


Hold Tight, Don't Breathe, Here We Go

by sixbeforelunch



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-06
Updated: 2007-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-12 02:18:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4461542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixbeforelunch/pseuds/sixbeforelunch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The courtship of Cameron and Carolyn in seven parts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Tight, Don't Breathe, Here We Go

_0\. hello my name is..._

They met when Cameron was in the hospital. She was just passing through; he was in rehab hell which, unlike finals hell or voice mail hell, really was kind of like the hell is grandmama used to talk about, except the demons were all young and pretty and way too perky. _Today the sixth circle of hell will be moved to room 328 and the part of the devil will be played by Valerie Rossetti, D.O._

Carolyn Lam was pretty too, but she sure wasn't perky. Sometimes she was even cranky which Cam found refreshing. Cam told her he thought he might be in love with her and Carolyn rolled her eyes and said, "Colonel, you're on so much oxycodone right now I'm surprised you haven't proposed to the cleaning staff."

Cam said, through gritted teeth because he hurt like a son of a bitch today, "Tried. They all turned me down."

Carolyn looked at him, looked at the pain that was written all over his face and the wheelchair that Cam was doing his best to ensure _wouldn't_ he his companion for the next fifty years and the little portable toilet that was next to his bed because he didn't have the strength to get to the bathroom on his own. She looked at all that and then she said, "Well. You're not exactly anyone's idea of a hot date right about now."

Cam laughed, and it hurt to laugh, but it was worth it because he hated, hated, the way everyone was so _nice_ to him these days. Like the chair and the portable toilet and the pain meant that he was supposed to be humored and doted on and treated as though his ego was as fragile as his body happened to be at the moment.

Carolyn left three days later and Cam went back to perky therapists and doctors who spoke in soft reassuring voices and every visitor being way too nice.

Mostly Cam didn't think about Carolyn, but when he did, he thought, yeah, the whole love thing had probably been the oxycodone talking, but that didn't mean he didn't like her. A lot.

And then there was the SGC and Carolyn was there. Mostly it was cool because, hey, they were all adults here. Plus, Cam didn't have the excuse of powerful opiates anymore so he had to actually watch his mouth.

But then one day Carolyn looked at him and Cam forgot to watch his mouth and the next thing he knew, he was dating the General's daughter.

Yeah. This wasn't going be weird at all.

_1\. mommy's girl_

On their first date, they went to Bennigan's. They were supposed to go to some trendy resturant with an ironic name like "Food" or "Cuisine" or something. But on the day of they were both tired and running late and neither of them felt like putting on a show. So Cam canceled the reservation and it was jeans and sneakers and hair still wet from the base showers.

"I didn't know you were the General's daughter. Not before...the SGC," Cam said in the car because it was probably best to get that out of the way right up front.

"I didn't know you got hurt fighting aliens before I got assigned to the SGC," Carolyn said. "I guess we both have a lot to learn about each other."

Cam tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. He'd deserved that one. Still. "And your dad..."

"Is this the part where I tell you about the boy who got a little too grabby in high school and how they never found his body?"

"Maybe."

"Well, not to disappoint you, but my parents were already divorced by the time I started dating and my dad never met most of my boyfriends."

"Oh," Cam said. "Well that's, um..." Good was not the word. Reassuring, maybe, but he doubted she wanted to hear that.

"So the boy who got grabby in high school had to deal with my mother instead," Carolyn said as Cam pulled into the parking lot. The parking lot was full and he just knew they'd end up waiting forty five minutes for a table. It was Friday night. He'd completely forgotten what day it was. They hadn't really aimed for a Friday night like normal people would. They'd just looked at their calendars and found a day they both thought would actually end at a reasonable hour.

"And your mother..."

"Is a corporate lawyer."

"That's scarier than your father being my CO."

"Yeah," Carolyn said brightly and got out of the car. It was still warm outside, so she stripped off her jacket and tossed it over one arm. She was wearing a blue tank top underneath that made Cam's mouth go a little bit dry. He didn't stare though. Okay, maybe he stared a little. But he didn't gawk.

"Oh!" Cam said and reached into the back seat. The flowers were slightly wilted from being in his locker all day.

"You got me flowers?"

"Court a pretty lady, bring her flowers."

Carolyn raised an eyebrow. "We're 'courting'? Really?"

"Sure," Cam said. "Why not?"

Carolyn ended up putting the flowers back in the car because holding onto them was too awkward while they stood around waiting for their table. But later Cam saw them in her office and caught the little grin that crossed her face when she looked at them. He brought her flowers pretty often after that.

_2\. going down_

The inevitable conversation happened in a stuck elevator. Cam would have said it was cliche, but apparently describing things as cliche was one of those General O'Neill things that didn't make it into the files. The one time he'd done it, everyone had looked at him and finally Sam had laughed and said, "The General used to say that about the system lords too." 

For SG1, there was only ever one general. Sam wasn't mean about it, but Cam had realized he probably shouldn't do it again.

Besides, the elevator was stopped because of an alien invasion, so it wasn't really all that cliche.

The alien invasion was small and badly organized and easily handled. In Cam's opinion, the only victim of the whole thing--aside from the alien invaders themselves which, hey, they were asking for it--was him.

They sat on the floor in the utter silence, Siler checking in every ten minutes to tell them that he almost had it working and not to worry, Colonel Reynolds and Colonel Carter had everything under control.

"You're dating my daughter," Landry said finally.

Cam didn't wince. Even with only the emergency lights on, the General still would have seen it. Rule number one of dealing with unknown aliens and the potentially pissed off father of your current girlfriend: never show your weaknesses.

"Yes, sir."

"I'm not happy about that."

Cam cleared his throat mainly because he thought he should make some noise in response and _I don't care what you are or are not happy about_ was not the sort of thing you said to your C.O.

"But Carolyn has made it clear that it's none of my business. Very clear."

"She can be forceful in her opinions," Cam said and Landry nodded. Cam tapped his fingers against the floor of the elevator. 

"Yes. Well. Still. I don't want to see Carolyn make the same mistake her mother did with me." Cam looked up sharply. Really, he was not yet enough of a part of this family to have that conversation. Frankly, if he and Carolyn got married and had five kids and ate Thanksgiving dinner at Landry's house every year, Cam still did not want to have that conversation. "Is she making that mistake, Colonel?"

"No, sir," Cam said with as much conviction as he could muster because they could make this work, really, insane schedules aside.

Landry nodded slowly. The lurch of the elevator took Cam by surprise, but Landry hardly blinked. Cam didn't think the man had it in him to stage an alien invasion just to get Cam alone for a little while, but you never could tell.

_3\. and then there was that time when we all almost died_

Cam kicked the door to Carolyn's office shut with his foot. He was holding a cup of coffee with one hand, balancing a tray of food in the other. One look at Carolyn and Cam put the food down on the filing cabinet.

"Com'ere."

Carolyn didn't look up from her computer. "I smell bad."

"Com'ere anyway."

This time she did look up and there was a second when the fear and exhaustion that she'd been holding back crossed her face. But then it was gone. Still, she got up and crossed the distance and leaned into him. She didn't smell bad, exactly, just sweaty and like her deodorant had given up the ghost a while ago.

Whose hadn't?

"I don't know if I can fix this," Carolyn said quietly.

"You will."

"Before or after we all die horribly?"

"Before."

Carolyn snorted into his shirt. "I'm glad someone around here has faith in me."

"People have faith in you, Carolyn. You wouldn't have the job otherwise."

"I'm not exactly Janet Frasier, am I?"

Cam tensed because she'd never said anything like that before. Never even hinted at it before. "Who said that?"

"No one. Just...don't you ever feel like..."

"Like you're trying to fill the shoes of a giant?"

Carolyn pulled away, picked up the coffee. Her eyes were bloodshot and there were bags under them. She'd been up for way too long. "Yeah."

"Yeah. That's because you are. You're never going to be Janet Frasier."

Carolyn leaned against the desk. "Oh, thanks, Cam. You give great speeches. Nice job."

"I do give good speeches, you just have to give me a minute to get rolling."

Carolyn rolled her eyes.

"You're never going to be Janet Frasier and I'm never going to be Jack O'Neill and that new sergeant they've got up in the control room is never going to be Walter Harriman, no matter how much she stalks him. They came first and they're the giants and we're...I mean, look _The Producers_ was still a good play even after Nathan Lane left, right?"

Carolyn sipped her coffee. "Have I given you enough time to get rolling? Because I have to say that's still a pretty bad speech."

"I--Look, you want me to get Jackson in here or something?"

Carolyn smiled. "No. Fortunately for you, it's the thought that counts. Now get out, I have work to do."

Cam left. Carolyn fixed it, but not before two airmen died. Cam knew that SG1 brining home this week's version of the alien crud home with them didn't have anything to do with the fact that Jack O'Neill wasn't here anymore. Not anymore than the fact that two people died before they found a drug cocktail that worked had anything to do with the fact that Carolyn Lam wasn't Janet Frasier.

But they still went out after and got a little drunk and very carefully didn't talk about the giants whose shoes they would never completely fill.

_4\. irreconcilable differences_

And then they broke up.

It happened quietly on a rainy Tuesday afternoon at a Starbucks in the mall.

Carolyn said, "I don't think this relationship is working."

And Cam said, after he'd gotten done sputtering and shaking his head, "I think this relationship is worth fighting for."

"What relationship? Cam, the last time we went on a date was three months ago."

"I wanted to go out yesterday. You--"

"Had to work. I know. And the day before that I wanted to go out and you pulled recon at the last minute. We see each other at work, when we both happen to be working on the same problem at the same time and that's pretty much it."

"I--"

"It's no one's fault, you know. It's just...the job. And if the job weren't so important, maybe I could even be mad about that, but it is and I'm not. But this still isn't working."

"Carolyn..."

"I don't want to make the same mistake my parents did."

Cam did wince this time and he didn't say too much after that. 

They broke up on a rainy Tuesday. They avoided each other for two weeks after and then they stopped avoiding each other. It was less awkward than it should have been.

_5\. interlude_

It wasn't until Teal'c had knocked him onto his ass for the third time that he said anything.

"You are distracted, Colonel Mitchell."

"Yeah."

"I have frequently observed you behaving in this manner when you in fact wished to be elsewhere." Teal'c swung the staff. Cam ducked. Barely. "Do you wish to postpone this until a more advantageous time?"

"Are you asking if I have a hot date?"

"Indeed."

"No. I don't." Jab. Duck. "Carolyn broke up with me."

"I was not aware. You have been unusually reserved regarding the matter."

"You don't have to sound so surprised, you know," Cam said.

Teal'c bowed his head, slightly, which Cam took to be an apology. Then Teal'c knocked him on his ass again.

_6\. back in the saddle again_

It was a clear, cold Monday night when Carolyn showed up at his door.

"Hi."

"Hi," she said and handed him _Halo 3_ wrapped up in a pretty yellow bow.

Cam blinked, frowned, and decided that jumping up and down and yelling that he had the coolest girlfriend ever was a bad idea because, one, she wasn't his girlfriend anymore and, two, he was supposed to be more mature that that. But it was _Halo 3_ and he'd been meaning to go get it for days but he hadn't had the time. 

"What's this?"

"I wasn't sure what you were supposed to bring when you court a pretty boy, so...I figured that might...uh...can I come in?"

"Court?" Cam said, still staring at the box.

"Yeah. Why not?" Carolyn said and Cam finally moved out of the way so she could get inside his apartment.

"You said..."

"I know. And then I went home and I thought a lot. And I went on a few dates. And I thought more. And I realized that...I don't want to make my parents mistakes. But I don't want to be so blind that I can't see my own mistakes either, you know?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"You were right. It's a relationship worth fighting for. But I can't be the only one fighting for it. I need to know I won't be the only one fighting"

"I was fighting before," Cam said. "Just wasn't getting the backup I needed."

It was kind of a jerkish thing to say, especially since she was there with _Halo 3_ wrapped in a bow but, hey, she'd broken up with him and he'd been the good ex-boyfriend who didn't make waves or push and maybe he'd earned the right to be a little bit of a jerk.

"Okay. Not entirely sure I deserved that, but we'll just move on."

"Sure," Cam said.

"We should talk."

They sat on the couch. They didn't talk.

"For the record," Cam said when the silence got too awkward, "when a girl courts a boy, all she has to bring is herself."

"The game helped, though, right?"

"Oh yeah," Cam said.

And then they talked.

end


End file.
